Chelsea Martin is the author of Everything Was Fine Until Whatever, The Really Funny Thing About Apathy, Kramer Sutra, and other books. She has a comic at The Rumpus called “Heavy-Handed,” and she’s the creative director at Universal Error.
“Assumptions I Have About Lloyd Hatcher Cargo, Please Note My Bad Mood.”
1) The friends you have are the best you can do.
2) Your art is not getting better, despite the fact that you sometimes halfheartedly work on it.
3) It is highly likely that your current lover thinks about others sexually.
This piece was made possibly by a generous donation from Lloyd Cargo.
“Things I Want to Say to Jessica Massart, if She Happens to be My Ex-Best Friend Using a Pseudonym”
1) I never paid you back the $120 you fronted to me on our road trip.
2) Everyone thinks your art is boring and that it makes no sense.
3) Good job being born rich.
This piece was made possible by a generous donation from Jessica Massart.